Every now and then a change so radical comes into your life that it forces you to re-examine who you are and what contributions you make in life. It could be a death, it could be a health scare, it could be the loss of a relationship, loss of a job you loved, loss of your home, a pet or some other change that occurs that radically tips your world upside down. When these kinds of changes happen to you whether intentional or non-intentional it can cause you to re-evaluate everything in your life. Suddenly who you were, wife, mother, daughter, co-worker, director, pet-owner, home owner you are no longer. Each day you wake up and think - I was "this" and now I am "that". Your entire world is rocked. You identified yourself in a certain way and with certain tasks and things that you did daily. Now those things are gone. You question yourself. Why? You get mad. You think about the future. What should be my next step? Days don't stop. They continue on. The sun comes up the sun goes down and the nights get long. You don't want to reach out because you don't want to be a "downer" to friends, family. You might be ashamed. You might be too ill. Whatever the change is, it can overwhelm your spirit which in turn can cause stress which impacts your physical and emotional state. Your immune system weakens leaving you susceptible to illness you never had before. You turn to things that dull the pain for a little while - but the next day it is still there. The fear of losing what you had.
At times like these there are some important things you should do for yourself.
1. Accept the change. Each day plan to do something to move forward. That might be calling friends for a get together. Writing notes to loved ones, e mail or otherwise. Each day and night say to yourself, "This is what I did (or had) but that chapter is over and I must turn the page to the next chapter in my life.
2. Look for the blessings in your life. Count them - all of them. Take out a sheet of paper or whatever you use you write and list them. Remember that sometimes change happens to protect you from something or to lead you to a better future. Remember that you were created uniquely for special purposes. What is unique about you? How can you use what you have been blessed with to be a blessing to others?
3. Move! Get out and walk. Join a free or cheap exercise program. Staying stagnate in your home is not good for your body.
4. Find a support group to talk about your loss or change. There are many people going through the same thing that you have just experienced. Sometimes hearing other people talk about their loss can bring healing to you and to them.
5. If there isn't a support group for what you have experienced - start one. You can advertise free on social media, newspapers, flyers and television.
6. Dream. What is it you have always wanted to do but didn't have the time? Go back to school? Start a business? Learn to cook? Begin to exercise? Organize your space? Read? Make another list of all the things you have time to do now that you didn't before, narrow them down, start with the top and make a plan.
7. Don't take your change out on other people. I think we all know what we mean by that :-)
8. Learn to love yourself and learn to love silence. Being at peace with yourself in the change is important. Find a special place where you are living that is just for you. A chair, outside in the backyard. Make it your oasis. A place you can retreat to for prayer, meditation, writing, reading or just dreaming.
9. Take a shower and dress yourself every single day. Don't stay in your jammies (unless you have pre-arranged a "jammie" day.
10. Get away, Sometimes a change of scenery can make all the difference. Plan a trip - even if you don't have money you can usually find someplace to go each day. Pack a small lunch and take it to a park. Take in a movie. Drive to another town. Garage sale. Antique hunt. See free concerts or plays or take in a local baseball game.
11. Remember that you are not defined by what you do or what you have - you are defined by who you love and what you love to do. Find your passion. What makes your heart surge with joy? If you are depressed it will be hard to find that joy. Talk to your doctor, seek help for your emotional state.
Everyone's approach to dealing with change will be different. It should be. We were not created to be cookies cut exactly the same. As a matter of fact, if you look closely at cookies that were cut out - most of them have slight (or in my case LARGE) differences. An edge broke off here, a slight oblong to a round, more chips in one than another. What makes you unique among all the cookies? Find that piece of yourself and if it makes you happy and passionate - do something with it for yourself and for others. Don't compare - you will never measure up to something you see in a magazine or on tv. Don't imitate. There is only one you. Walk through every single door - even if it slams in your face - TRY!
Change-heroines, we are all in this together. If you want to, send me a response at cwoolaway@yahoo.com. I would love to encourage you!
**Cathy is a worship leader, speaker, preacher and agent of change. Contact her for speaking engagements workshops or one on one encouragement**
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